Gathering strength ....

As I walk up the stairs to my front door ,  reaching for the handle on the storm door than unlock the front door I am washed over with the since of confusion and with the feelings of what next ?What is going on ? Let me back up a bit . I went for a mammogram last week seeings how I am now 40 and that my mother pasted away from what was thought to be breast cancer but her final diagnoses was Carcinoma other wise known as CUP (Carcinoma of Unknown Primary ) They thought is was breast cancer because of the location . So know here am . I just went threw training so we can bring my future husbands mother home from the hospital . Stressing over that and 24 ventilator training coming up and Advance people coming by to inspect my home to tell me what I need to take care of her  . I get a phone call from my Doctors office telling me that something showed up in the mammogram .Something , maybe nothing ?.!. I'm like ? Ok? So the nurse says"?It's gray blurry something and we just want to get an ultrasound to see what it may or may not be". How do some people get there jobs? That was insane .
     So here I am ,wondering what the heck .  All I heard after that was" next Thursday @ 8:50 am Outpatient Center ". I ask " Is there anyway we can do this sooner than next Thursday my mother in law is coming to stay with us so I can take care of her " and she than replies "I tried to find an earlier one but that is as soon as they can get it ". Now I am worried ."The earliest . Well it must be something , this possible nothing or why would she be trying to get me there earlier. And now there is today my youngest daughter gets up and goes to school my future husband gets up take a shower and goes to work . ..... .I am alone in the house . It's gray and cloudy outside  .Going to rain sometime . Did I say alone? I started thinking and thinking ,for some people that is not such a good thing to do . At point in time that some people was me . I know grammar is sucking right now,but gosh darn it I am freaking out here . I thought well maybe it's stress ." Stress" ya that does strange things to people . I thought  about Smitty that's my future mother in law . I am thinking about my girls ''I have 3 and 1 grandson " (whom I don't get to see due to choices made by his parent).
Anyway I was rambling .I receive a phone call today and by the way it is Wednesday  and it is from the Hospital in my home town so I am really buggin out . I wasn't expecting  that ,   like I was expecting any of this . And it is that remind me of my appointment for tomorrow @8:50 am . WHAT! I thought I had time to wrap my head around all this . So need less to say I am gather strength . I have calmed down so doing this blog may help . If you have been in a situation similar to mine lets chat .