Lets see who I am ....... Shall we ?

     

 Greetings from the far side of the inter web . Before my mother passed away she and her sister worked on the family tree . ( I could not begin to tell who started and could really care less .....)
OUCH ! ....you may say but you see my mothers family has to be taken with a shot of bourbon . To Hell with a grain of Salt or a spoon full of Sugar .Come to find out this is a serious business.... You would not believe the stuff One finds out about Ones family when you jump on ancestry.com .I mean I have worked on the tree my self and before mom passed away in 2008  we dabbled along with the Whose uncle was that ? Is that her sister ? Who do they belong too?"deal. I really enjoyed working on the family tree with her .Than she got sick and died 6 months and I put the family tree out of my mind until spring before last and I was at my moms house moving some of her plants ...( she loved plants) Until one day I looked in the old chicken coup I stumbled across this box of papers and low and behold there it was ..... My mothers family tree thrown in to a box in a leaky old chicken coup .   I it scooped in up and brought it home and it sat in my office for a year and a half than I dumped it out and started organizing each piece of paper and every little scribble ..   Jumped in with both feet and ordered the kit from Ancestry DNA...made an account and I'm off and running .

                                             BUM.... BUM ......BUM .........M....

 This is not the whole who's your daddy thing . I mean, I know who my sperm donor was and that is all he will ever be to me . What time we did spend around each other I discovered him to be a fake and his family just excepted it . I could never live in a world like that pretending to be something bigger then who you are and I know the man that has his last name on my birth certificate is not the giver of life that runs threw my veins no matter how much I wish that to be . But I am a firm believer that one creates their own connections and family as ones life grows and changes . Blood relation is not always a good thing. ( personal experiences aside but , I am sure many of you reading can relate ) I am excited and looking forward to the fact of knowing with out a shadow of a doubt who I am and what I am made up of . I really don't care about the psychos and sycophants that I was forced to be around in my youth or at anytime in my life for that matter in my mothers immediate family   (and if someone takes offense to this than you must of done something in your past ) lol Believe me they know who they are .....  I started a blog years ago "Letters to Damian" for my grandson for one day he will know where he comes from and know we have always cared for him especially during these times we don't get to see him.

 Okay well there was a brief babbling about my beginning of this part of my family voyage .

      Good Peace to you and yours .

This is how I feel about taking a knee

It has been brought to my attention by a loving Sister that I have made statements to both sides of the " kneeling debate" .Please allow me to clarify how I feel about this . Our country being what it is , allows us to disagree and allows us to show how we feel within the law. This Nation gives us these freedoms for expression . I could careless about Football and can certainly careless about Trump . What I do care about is my voice and , I believe in the Constitution and the Bill or Right and I believe these very things are in danger . I believe that our history is slowly being taken away from us with the allowances of the destruction of our historical statues and landmarks and the land of which they are built upon , because to some are offending . Why is it since Trump has been in office all of a sudden this figures of OUR HISTORY have become offensive ? I believe that this childlike behavior and it offends me as an American .I believe that many of us that have been long out of school need to go back and review our Constitution and take a refresher course in American History . I was unaware of many details were are being left out of many of these shares and posts created and left by others and after doing some homework concerning the bigger picture over this kneeling ordeal. Which is that these stadiums that these players play in are under contact with the government for their general up keep and repair and in the government taking over these stadiums a contractual stipulation for owners and players was created and agreed upon that to improve this Nations morale to bring us closer together as a Nation .

A 62-63 of the league rule book .

The National Anthem must be played prior to every NFL game, and all players must be on the sideline for the National Anthem.

During the National Anthem, players on the field and bench area should stand at attention, face the flag, hold helmets in their left hand, and refrain from talking. The home team should ensure that the American flag is in good condition. It should be pointed out to players and coaches that we continue to be judged by the public in this area of respect for the flag and our country. Failure to be on the field by the start of the National Anthem may result in discipline, such as fines, suspensions, and/or the forfeiture of draft choice(s) for violations of the above, including first offenses.

Now I am all for peaceful protest and I understand what the players are doing , but in signing their multi million dollar contacts to play by kneeling they are in breach of that contract and should be held accountable . We as a Nation are allowed the freedoms of expressions under law but in doing so at time consequences do adhere there in . First infraction is to be fined . Second infraction is to be suspended . Third and final infraction permanent removal from team . In many peaceful protests some are arrested and fined . But here for some reason this is not the case . One can not have it both ways ! The NFL has not fined any player or owner .So contracts should be pulled . With our Nation in such a state of unrest this behavior is only leading to more unrest . Trump is dividing us as a country he is allowing distraction to our history and no good will come of it .

I believe Our Nation as a whole is in trouble and it is only going to get worse .Mother Nature is in upheaval . We have more homelessness and poverty . We have more sick and more in need . And all anyone can talk about is taking a knee . Don't you see it all of this is just a smoke screen for what is really going on ? Trump will soon have us at War with North Korea and he could careless he will just take his privileged family and jump on a plane and keep them safe while the rest of us struggle to survive . Kim Jong-un is threatening to test a Hydrogen bomb in the Pacific Ocean that will effect not just us but all humans .The Oceans are a large source of food supply for us humans . That poison will spread just like the poison that spreads across our country now . HATE!!!! I believe that Trump is not looking out for the greater good as a Nation or anyone for that matter .

That is how I feel . Good Peace to you and yours . Thank you for reading .

The Duggar Deal

To whom it may concern .

         This is my input about the Josh Duggar scandal. I like others have watched the show but deep down  I knew that there was something hidden under all the religious facade. But I could not figure it out .  Until the side hug .  That's right the side hug. I thought in a tight family , hugs are a sign of love and trust. But a side hug ? Hmmm .  That creates distance and mistrust . I cant help but think that the Duggar parents created the side hug to keep the sex parts away from each other . Right ? In most families a hug is a hug but coming from abusive childhood myself . I seen the patterns . So there had to be a reason behind it and now we  know Josh is a child molester .That explains a lot . I have read the things that others have had to say about all of this and some say he was a child.  He was 14  like that excuses his behavior , and he should be forgiven.What ?! Sounds like excuses to me . Excuses,  excuses, excuses, their is no excuse for harming a child .  That's all most like saying I'm sorry after you have just  hit me in the face and then you hit me again .Saying I'm sorry does not mean you feel bad for me because my face is now bruised and blackened , it is just an admission of guilt in my book.  I have been abused mentally and physically and I'm sorry does not mean anything other then you know hit me in the face .Well , I know you hit me , My face hurts .    I am 44 and when my mother took me from Joe  (my daddy)  I was molested by aunts and uncles( her brothers and sisters) who were ALSO children who ranged from the age of 8 to 18 and that does not make it okay .  And to this day they have never said im sorry . So I guess they meant it . If a person never admits that they have molested another person then in their mind they have not done wrong .And I still carry that with me and at times and  it will not go away . ( LIKE NOW! ) Being held down by force and  being tied to a wall by family members so they can have their way with you . Being forced to do things that no little girl should EVER have to  experience in a life time , while they do what ever to you while you cry and scream for your mother who never comes , but because you are so small and your parents are gone It didn't matter to them . Because they can't get caught doing  vile and evil things . It does not make it okay . They should be punished, as should he .What kind of kids were they ? who does that to a child . I am glad i can not remember all of what was done to me . It took a lot of therapy to get this far.  It does not matter what kind of person he is now . He is a sex offender and should treated like one . At 14 one knows right from wrong and he was wrong !  And so was his family to cover it up. As was mine ! You can not push it  vile behavior under the carpet and forget about it .Eventually there will be a large lump in the floor . Crimes like this do not go away . Families that try to act perfect are far from it . He will burn for what he has done and so will those who helped him hide it . And as far as my family . I have no family from my mothers side . When my mother died and than Grandfather died that was the only family I had and as for the rest of the aunts and uncles with the exception of 2 aunts they  have always treated me like I wasn't family .  My heart is not broken for them  . I  make my own family and as I reach out to family I have not known. I will protect you with my life if needed .I will be there for you . I try to be a kind and understanding . I am an honest and peaceful person living out  my life . I try not to hate those who have hurt me, just for the fact that hate gets you nowhere , but I hold no sympathy for child molesters , even if they themselves are children.   Much light and love to you who have been hurt.

Social Media

    What a day yesterday was , I have come to find out that one of these social media conglomerate has  become a pain in my side , But, through it all I will move on . But this first , One has FB for staying in touch with children that have left home , family memebers that may be far away , I found it a place to stay in touch in some moronic way, I too have fell victim to its ease of trying to stay in contacts with those that are away from me . Being able to see post that they put up as and One corresponds by liking and what not . A place to see a steal a glimpse at people that have been ripped out of Ones life. 
    But ,  I am sad and worn out , tired and heart broken and left unknowing of results of yesterday and today . I hate that Facebook has become a place where some come and communicate . Like it is easier to go there and not know what's going on and miss communicate feelings and emotions by seeing pictures or reading posts and not know what going on  instead of staying in touch by phone or letter , by card or box. I admit it is a faster way to communicate But, It has also made it easier to be distant , Easier to be Hurt by not knowing , Angry perhaps because One feels left out of something Joyful or something Sad , Isolated from those you love  , Helpless for not being able to be closer when their is an illness a death . Frustrated because One can not be with those they care about  to share in a moment . Whatever that moment maybe.
    When did we lose touch as a Family ,as Human Beings ? 
    Why do we make it harder on ourselves when we are already  away from those we love ? 
    When do we forgive misunderstandings ? Why Is it easier to Hurt? I could tell someone I love them for who they are .No matter where they live . No matter what they do , or how they  it ,or who there are doing it with ,as long as they are happy . I could careless .

When will love once again be enough ? I am ready for Peace and being able to Heal.To grow past this and once again be whole and happy. For you and for me .For humankind . Why most people is hurt each other . When did we a humans become so busy that we can not even pick you a phone ? Or write a letter  ?   I came to Google+ to make contact with like minds because Facebook has drama that infects what use to be all the sane people I new a know its like they have been infected with so sort of ,Heck ? I dont know . Something! that has rotted their their souls and made them hard . Whats? up with that ? 

She will be heard .

To whom it may concern ,
       
             I have had enough . I am tried of students in school not being heard . Someone has to stop it . Stop the faculty from thinking that they are so sort of Gods . That a student is just a filler in a set , that has no voice to be heard . And no choice but to sit and take it . Perfectly great kids being knocked down by words and actions that come from their teachers that have no clue what is going through the mind of that student . And by this I am not saying all teachers are like this , but  rather here in Randolph county N.C.  it is that way . I don't know how many times I have had to go to South West High School to deal with a inconsiderate teacher for behaving badly  . They have idea  at any time what is going on in a student's mind nor do they seem to care , but when it comes to my student, my child . I will not let them get away  with the remarks the say or the actions the do . My child has be ridiculed and made to to think she has no worth . They accuse her of lying and skipping . They have made comments like''ONLY CUTTERS WEAR T-SHIRTS LIKE THAT or '' Im saying you're lying but''. But nothing ! Who knows how many students drop out of school or even worse commit suicide due to the way that the grown ups treat them in these schools . Words hurt worse  when they come from someone you looked up too . I would much rather be beaten then to have someone call me a liar and I am grown woman .
 And I have  beaten when I was a student in high school  maybe not by a teacher but by someone I looked up to for a time . I know a broken bone will mend ,  I know a bruise will fade , but  I also know that words have the ability to stay with you for a lifetime . Those words still will haunt me to this day . Sure I am grown now but at times , Times like this those words have a way finding me and I hurt all over again . 

Heart Broken,

    What a day yesterday was , I have come to find  that one of these social media conglomerates has become a pain in my side .But , through it all I shall will move on . I will say this first , One has FACEBOOK for staying in touch with children that have left home , for family member that are far away, for friends that one can not see everyday . I have  found it a place to stay in touch in some moronic way. I too have fell victim to its ease of being able to see post or picture that an absent family member and friend that I miss may  put up , As a way  One can correspond with by liking or making comments back and forth or what not . A place to see and  steal a glimpse at people that have been ripped out of Ones life. 
     But , I am sad and worn out , I am tired and  I am heart broken and I am left unknowing of results of yesterday and  the day before and the day before that . I hate that Facebook has become a place where some go and miscommunicate .  Like it is easier to go there and not know what's going on and miss read and interpret feelings and emotions instead of staying in touch by phone or letter , by card or box . It has become easier to go there and  be distant with each other . It has become easier  to be Hurt because One feeling left out of something  or Angry  because One doesn't know what going on. It is easier to be Frustrated because, One feels Helpless  for reason such as , perhaps they can't be somewhere  or with someone when there is an Illness or a Death ,or a Birthday, or a Holiday, what have you? So,it is easier to feel Isolated and Alone then it is to pick up a phone and find out for Oneself . 
   And yes, One may encounter hurt feeling by others that may pick up the phone because ,they have not heard from you in what may seem to be months or years even. But, One can also achieve that same misunderstanding when you text them after said months and or years even due to being so ''Busy''. They are hurt because you haven't called and messaged .
    When did it become easier to be Hurt and Angry ?
    When did we lose touch as a Family, As Human Beings?
    When did we lose the ability of making things personal? 
    Why do we find it harder to forgive the misunderstandings created on these social networks  ? 

When will love once again be enough to span the distance and bridge the gap between one another ? I am ready for this Peace and being able to start to Heal one another .To grow past all of hurt and pain that we feel towards each other due to the misunderstandings and once again be whole and happy. For Peace . I dont know what tomorrow will bring . I hope understanding . I am told time heals all wounds I pray to the Goddess of Light and Love that this if true . Why must we  hurt each other, when we ourselves or hurting ? When did we as human beings become so busy that we can not even pick up a phone ? Or write a letter  ?   I go other places now  to make contact with like minds because Facebook has caused me so much grief and sorrow due to the fact that other have sent me text messages that family members are either dying or dead ,Or it is a place to have hurt feeling sprawled out for the whole world to see . It has become a place for distance .And I  am no longer happy here in my own skin does to misconceptions left from these cold social networks. We have become  infected with so sort of thing  ,Heck ? I dont know . Something ! that has changed us and made us hard . 

    How do we go back ? 

    How can we fix what is broken ? 

    How can we mend all the wounds that we have conflicted on ourselves and those that we care so much for ? I could say I love you a million times , I could say  I'm sorry ,But does that help the Hurt, the Anger, the Frustration, the Helplessness, the Isolation ?  When will we no longer be too busy to reach out to one another ?

Social Media Rant ,

What a day yesterday was ,
     I have come to find out that one of these social media conglomerate has  become a pain in my side , But through it all I will move on . But this first , One has Facebook for staying in touch with children that have left home ,Family that may be far away .I found it a place to stay in touch in some moronic way. I to fell victim to its ease of disconnection . Being able to see post that they put up as One way to  corresponded with said family or friend ,away to span the distance to stay in touch in what has become busy lives , by liking and what not .
    A place to see a steal a glimpse at people that have been ripped out of Ones life. 
   But , I am sad and worn out , tired and heart broken and left unknowing of results of yesterday and today . I hate that Facebook has become a place where that is the only means of  communication . Like it is easier to go there and not know what's going on and miss communicate feelings and emotions instead of staying in touch by phone or letter , by card or box. It has become easier to be distant . Easier to be hurt and angry, because those that are "Too busy''  end up getting  their feelings hurt, because they see something and don't going on and it is easier to fly off the handle about something they know nothing about because they are too busy to pick a phone.  
     When did we lose touch as Human Beings ?
    When did we become so busy that human contact is now becoming extinct?
     Where did contact and siveal communication go ?
      When do we forgive? 

When will love once again be enough ? I am ready for Peace and being able to Heal.To grow past this and once again be whole and happy. For you and for me .For humankind . Why most people is hurt each other . When did we a humans become so busy that we can not even pick you a phone ? Or write a letter  ?   I came to Google+ to make contact with like minds because Facebook has drama that infects what use to be all the sane people I new a know its like they have been infected with so sort of ,Heck ? I dont know . Something! that has rotted their their souls and made them hard . Whats? up with that ?