What next?: Well,

What next?: Well,: Well, I am awake .Smitty has these choking fits and she had one about 30 minutes ago. John sprung  up and through the room he went bounced o...

Well,

Well, I am awake .Smitty has these choking fits and she had one about 30 minutes ago. John sprung  up and through the room he went bounced off the dresser . bless his heart to find nothing more than she was coughing . Man good reaction  time. (I have never seen him move that fast before in my life , well ....except for that  other time and that was to get some woman out of my hair LITERALLY  hahahaha ......) Some ladies just don't like me .But hey it 's all good . I could care less who likes me and who don't .Never have and never will .  But any way back to what I was saying .So I am awake .I gave Smitt a breathing treatment took a shower and I am just sitting here watching her sleep . So John can sleep . I will try to get some rest later. Its a tirless job but like I say to others ''Someone has to do it ''. I get alot of Thanks yous and this and that but ,You know something none of that matters to me . Smitty needs me like no one has before .We spend just about every moment together .I spend more time with her than my own children as she with me . Let me ask you this .How much do you care people ? You know people your not related to . When my mother had the big BC and was in rehab. to try to walk they treated her like just another sick person . They didn't treat her well and she couldn't leave until her time ran out in that place I went and pickedher up at 11pm and they tried to discharge her late . Its all about the money .The jack . Those places use sick  and the elderly  for money . I don't get paid for taking care of her . I get only breaks here and there for just a short amount of time .My relationship with her son is okay most days ,but I feel like I am starting to get recentful . I am burning out .He does what he can when he can but I still take the largest part of it all on .I mean he works during the day and needs to sleep at night ,so he can work during the day. There is the company of my daughters (they are my best friends) they help with what they can house work so and so on .But  I tell you it is still hard to not do everything . It's hard tyo let someone clean my kitchen ,when there are certain ways I have things .And then I think of Smitty who can't get out of bed .She has to have me do everything for her ,clean her ,cook for her , wipe her ass (as she says she makes me laugh) and I know how lucky I am and I get so overwhelmed by things I just go find a quite place to myself and just cry . I made a comment on face book about how as sick as she is you would think someone would call to check on her .And a wildfire started . I didn't point anyone out , but man did the ravings come from all directions  ''my mom writes letters''and ''so and so calls John '',back and forth it was the saddest thing I have ever seen . The guilt of others pouring over in to the largest bunch of its not us ,your full of it, pot of crap you have ever seen . When all I meant was I know she can't talk but she can  hear you and she speaks but only to those who can read her lips.But anyway her face lights up when someone would call her and speaks to her personally .Was all I meant .I am here with her my boyfriend ,my children and we know who comes by and who doesn't ,and we know when a phone does not ring . But the good thing that happen is weeks of no personal calls to her .... the phone started ringing . I found out along time ago sometime you have to ring a bell to be heard ,and with out intent I was heard and Smitty smiles a little more because there are people calling to talk to her .And for those childish ,spoiled ,self centered ,grown asspeople that have nothing better to do then play games and talk smack ,and you know how you are .KISS MY ROSEY RED REAR!!!!!

Don't you just hate .......

Don't you just hate when people assume something that has nothing to do with them ? For instance I make one comment  on one of those social networks  people come out of the wood work to put in their two cents and then someone else chimes in and  than before you know it there is a pissing contest and it is coming only  from the ones  that have some sort of guilty conscience  running their mouths . Oh , lets just jump to the state of Dah.! Who gives a crap what your reasons are an excuse is still and excuse .  I didn't air anything personal .  If anything personal was aired it came from  someone with a guilty conscience .What is that saying ? If it smells like a turd and looks like a turd  , It damn sure must be a turd .  Too funny ..... All I know is that (we work hard at what we do )and  for those that don't  ,leave those of us  that do the Hell Alone . Lol  I have to much to do taking care of those people I love and care about . My Family . Oh here is another good saying ''You can't  fix Stupid''.

What next?: Ok , Smitt made it home from the Hospital yesterda...

What next?: Ok , Smitt made it home from the Hospital yesterda...: Ok , Smitt made it home from the Hospital yesterday, I was trained to change the trac before we took a ride in the ambulance to get her hom...

Ok , Smitt made it home from the Hospital yesterday, I was trained to change the trac before we took a ride in the ambulance to get her home . So that makes so far , I know all about the  operation of the Ventialtor .( check )Nebulizer machine and the meds for said machine (check) . S.A.S.H. which is her I.V. meds. and technique that I do  manually... (check) . Oh  yes and changing the dagdone Trac (check) That one took the longest because I had to find the right Doctor to give the ok on And his said he does not do that but ... because he has heard such good things about me he will give the clearance . So now I am wondering who and why are people in the medical profession talking about me. I am just one woman taking care of somebody elses mom. I get so upset some times I don't mean to . But , I do more for this woman than I ever had to do for my mother( her IV she had a machine) . I didn't have to give my mother breathing treatments , And she never I mean never used to the bed pan with me either. So I hope you can see why I get so sad some times. It is hard on me , but I do it for John and his family because I know what it will be like when they lose there mom. Because I lost mine . I miss her ever so much . And I don't think I am appreciated for what I do , but I trudge one penniless oh yes I don't get paid for what I do .On call 24hours a day with a break only when Smitt goes back into the hospital . And don't let me get started on the arguments. Is it worth all the heart ache ? I hope ....... Well and on top of all that at this pee hour in the morning I get the bed pan so Smitt could use it on the way to empty it out John 's little min pin took a crap in the floor and guess what I did on my way to the bathroom to empty the bedpan ? I HATE THAT DOG!!!! I am  a cat person they at least you a box. Like my life just keeps getting better . And for those of you who find that last part funny .... Walk one day in my shoes and see  just how funny it really is ......

She feels how she feels....

No one said you were an ass! I have shit to do and dont have a phone strapped to my ass 24 hours a day.!  And Cherokee gave me her phone cause her grades were bad .Know she  has her phone back  and she finally told you again how she feels .Look here dude dont bring us into your crap . I have know you a long..... time . I don't know why your back other than because Hanna got hit . I do not  push you around Keith . How do I make you feel like shit? Because of what Your Wife tried to do to my Family . Tore us apart! and you stood by her . I know you have your kids to think about . but Cherokee thought she was one of them at one time and You pushed her away , You didn't have time for her those were your choices not hers . If you feel like shit that is something you have done not me . I have only tried to keep my kid happy and safe. I know Cindy started all of this and than you called a month later after it calmed down and said you did it . remember?
 Keith I love you , you were  my only friend . And you of all people should know you can't make everyone happy . You have to make you happy. Cherkoee is hurt . She feels like you kicked her aside when you had kids of your own . She feels she has been forgotten by someone . You can't just blow into town and try to spend on her and blow back out again . She is growing up Keith and she sees what is going on .  You left  and left Cindy to tell her . And then Cindy tried did the unspeakable by tring to put me in jail to have Cherokee for a babysitter . (That what my neighbor and  my friend Tiffany told me  when Cindy went nextdoor ) Keith , Cherokee is so torn up and she has been since you left the first and didn't tell her . She has been sent things with cuse words on them ,naked pictures of Cindy on em ,she has been forgotten , sent things that dont work ,. If she was your daughter and your were her dad you would of made sure that all of that didn't happen . You would of done a better job protecting her . And what of the time when you and cindy let her drink and you laughed at her when she drank to much . Keith parents dont did that .And please don't use wanting to be closer to Cherokee as your reason for moving back . It is because of Hanna and Cindy .And I am sick and tired to being blamed for all of this !!!! Mom did this. or your mom didn't do that . Its done! you can't blame me anymore. She feels how she feels. Let me know when you get back and I will give you your what ever . You were my friend for sometime and then you were gone .And I don't mean to Texas either .