Well,

Well, I am awake .Smitty has these choking fits and she had one about 30 minutes ago. John sprung  up and through the room he went bounced off the dresser . bless his heart to find nothing more than she was coughing . Man good reaction  time. (I have never seen him move that fast before in my life , well ....except for that  other time and that was to get some woman out of my hair LITERALLY  hahahaha ......) Some ladies just don't like me .But hey it 's all good . I could care less who likes me and who don't .Never have and never will .  But any way back to what I was saying .So I am awake .I gave Smitt a breathing treatment took a shower and I am just sitting here watching her sleep . So John can sleep . I will try to get some rest later. Its a tirless job but like I say to others ''Someone has to do it ''. I get alot of Thanks yous and this and that but ,You know something none of that matters to me . Smitty needs me like no one has before .We spend just about every moment together .I spend more time with her than my own children as she with me . Let me ask you this .How much do you care people ? You know people your not related to . When my mother had the big BC and was in rehab. to try to walk they treated her like just another sick person . They didn't treat her well and she couldn't leave until her time ran out in that place I went and pickedher up at 11pm and they tried to discharge her late . Its all about the money .The jack . Those places use sick  and the elderly  for money . I don't get paid for taking care of her . I get only breaks here and there for just a short amount of time .My relationship with her son is okay most days ,but I feel like I am starting to get recentful . I am burning out .He does what he can when he can but I still take the largest part of it all on .I mean he works during the day and needs to sleep at night ,so he can work during the day. There is the company of my daughters (they are my best friends) they help with what they can house work so and so on .But  I tell you it is still hard to not do everything . It's hard tyo let someone clean my kitchen ,when there are certain ways I have things .And then I think of Smitty who can't get out of bed .She has to have me do everything for her ,clean her ,cook for her , wipe her ass (as she says she makes me laugh) and I know how lucky I am and I get so overwhelmed by things I just go find a quite place to myself and just cry . I made a comment on face book about how as sick as she is you would think someone would call to check on her .And a wildfire started . I didn't point anyone out , but man did the ravings come from all directions  ''my mom writes letters''and ''so and so calls John '',back and forth it was the saddest thing I have ever seen . The guilt of others pouring over in to the largest bunch of its not us ,your full of it, pot of crap you have ever seen . When all I meant was I know she can't talk but she can  hear you and she speaks but only to those who can read her lips.But anyway her face lights up when someone would call her and speaks to her personally .Was all I meant .I am here with her my boyfriend ,my children and we know who comes by and who doesn't ,and we know when a phone does not ring . But the good thing that happen is weeks of no personal calls to her .... the phone started ringing . I found out along time ago sometime you have to ring a bell to be heard ,and with out intent I was heard and Smitty smiles a little more because there are people calling to talk to her .And for those childish ,spoiled ,self centered ,grown asspeople that have nothing better to do then play games and talk smack ,and you know how you are .KISS MY ROSEY RED REAR!!!!!